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I painted the above several years ago, before metastatic cancer reared its ugly head. Since then, for a time my hands weren’t working. Now I can at least type but painting is still beyond me, at least the way I used to be able to do it. I can no longer manage the detail work.
So, like the bunny I painted once upon a time, I feel frozen where I am.
However, if I had one wish for Santa this year — it would not involve my being able to paint, except as it shows I am healthy again.
What do I wish for Christmas?
I wish my cancer was gone. I wish my body was healed. I wish I could take my dog for walks so that he could live with me again. I wish I could drive. And I wish I could live without pain.
Now, I am a believer in Christ, even though I have not been able to go to church in far too long due to health issues. I realize for many people this would not be a big deal but I enjoy my church. People genuinely care for each other, as I’ve discovered during my battle with cancer.
Whether I needed a ride or a meal, or just someone to visit with me, there were people willing to help.
This includes our pastor. When I found out that my cancer markers had gone up, I called her and she prayed for me, delaying a meeting to do so. The next day, she came by to pray with me in person, stopping by the pharmacy to pick up my prescription on the way.
She genuinely cares about everyone who attends our church, and she makes people welcome regardless of their race, gender, or orientation.
The support that I receive from my church, friends, and neightbors matters a lot to me now as the cancer seems to be fighting harder to defeat me.
The pain I am experiencing has gotten worse, and I am hoping the chemo will help with that. I am hoping it will be effective. Regardless, I am trying to remember to give praise and thanks to God. As it says in Psalm 42:5:
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why the unease within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him for the salvation of His presence. Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.
And in James 1:2–4 it says:
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
I am have a friend who is also going through cancer and has experienced many rounds of brutal chemo, yet he maintains his spirit. He is a talented musician who still plays when he has the energy. When I watch him celebrate life in this way, he gives me hope.
Friends have told me the same — that they way I live through the pain of cancer encourages them.
Is this why I do it? No.
While it makes me happy if I encourage others, my focus is my Lord Jesus Christ. He is my hope and my comfort. When I feel the sorrow overwhelming me, I lift up my hands in prayer, and I can feel His Spirit shine on me and I feel loved.
I am fighting stage IV cancer. If you can help with medical bills, I would really appreciate it. Or if you enjoy my writing and would like to buy me a cup of coffee, that’s great too. Maybe someday I can return the favor
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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The post Chemo for Christmas appeared first on The Good Men Project.