Living With Cancer

I was diagnosed with cancer for the first time 20 years ago. The type was inflammatory breast disease and I was told I had 6 months to live. If I was lucky, I might make it 18 months.

Yet I’m still here.

Unfortunately, the cancer has come back. I’ve cordially invited it to leave my body please, yet it remains.

Yet I feel confident that this time around I will finally manage to be free of it.

On Wednesday last I had my second chemotherapy treatment since my recent PET scan. The scan revealed the cause of the sudden chest pains I was dealing with. Cancer was growing in that area.

So I agreed to do chemo because I want the cancer to finally be gone.

So on Wednsday, January 8th, I had my second treatment. It had been three weeks since my first for this latest cancer.

Because of the drugs they pump into you along with the chemo itself, you actually feel pretty good for a couple of days. For me, this grace period generally lasts about 1 1/2 days.

Today is Friday, January 10th.

So today I started to feel the effects of the chemo but it was still a good day. I made sure to use the “magic mouthwash” and take anti nausea meds and drink lots of water.

The mouthwash is to help keep thrush from settling in. Thrush is extremely painful and makes it hard to talk, eat, drink, etc. It hit me pretty badly after my first chemo this time around, so I made sure I had the mouthwash on hand this time and I started to use it at the first sign of pain.

This morning I did feel well enough to have communion. Not well enough to leave the house, but well enough to welcome someone from church into my home. She is one of the deacons, and she not only served me communion, she talked about what I was going through, read a psalm to me, and prayed with me. This gave me a great deal of comfort.

Then I met my occupational therapist. She evaluated me, gave me some exercises to help me regain functionality, and walked me through them.

Then the heating guy came by and after he assured me that my heater was fine, we had a chat about faith and Jesus.

At that point, I started to feel tired, but I’d already made breakfast earlier and eating it made me feel better.

I was trying something new that’s supposed to be very healthy — organic buckwheat, which is popular in Eastern Europe. I found it tasty, but next time I will cook it a little longer with a little more water. I added some sliced bananas and some yogurt.

Then I reached the limit of my energy.

This is part of the chemo cycle — right after chemo, you have a couple of days where you are still coming off the drugs they pump you with during chemo so you aren’t totally exhuasted.

Then, halfway through day 2, or early day 3, you start to feel the fatigure really set in. At that point, you’re too tired to want to talk to people or cook, or pretty much do anything. Sometimes you have to go to a medical appointment during this time and you just have to grin and bear it and go home and get lots of sleep.

This is when you rely on food you cooked while you had energy and stashed in your freezer or have Mom (or whoever is caring for you) make you something, or heat up some healthy canned soup.

There are some canned soups that are actually pretty healthy — Amy’s brand has several without any of what I consider bad ingredients. I make sure we have several cans ahead of time because Mom also gets tired, particularly on those days I need extra help.

But about 6–7 days after chemo, I start to feel more normal again, so I can talk to people for longer than 5 minutes without feeling exhausted and cook again, step up the exercise routine, etc.

Because this time I am on a 3 week cycle, I have time in between the treatments to actually lead a somewhat normal life. Whereas when I first had chemo, I got weekly treatments and so after the third or fourth one, I felt like death warmed over.

I was extremely dehydrated because I would throw up every time I tried to drink a glass of water.

This time it’s not as bad. They provide a lot more help in managing the symptoms than they used to. This does not get rid of them, however. Once the effects of the chemo start kicking in, I just want to lie in bed and feel sorry for myself for a few days.

While a lot of it stinks, the worst is probably the fatigue. I can deal with the pain, the nausea, the dry mouth and thrush, the balance issues, etc., better than I can deal with the fatigue. I hate feeling weak.

To me, that is the worst part of this.

The best? And yes, there is a best part, at least for me. I lean more on God than I ever have before. I talk more to Him, and I feel closer to Him then ever. I also feel closer to Mom. We have lovely talks. I’ve also found out how much my friends really love me, and it touches me deeply.

I also don’t feel guilty about reading pulp sc fi and fantasy or watching silly comedies on those days that I am massively fatigued.

Here’s hoping I can get through this and finally be cancer free again. For those of you who pray, I welcome prayer for healing. Thank you.

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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

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